Good morning everyone, and welcome to the Bed Head Chronicles, or the Bald Head Chronicles as we are right now.

Some of the things that happen when you have a bone marrow transplant or you’re going through something like this, it’s quite a long recovery process. I get a lot of sores inside my mouth. And I’ve been struggling quite a bit with lack of appetite, just not wanting to eat, having no taste. Yet knowing that we all need to care for our bodies like, they’re a Rolls Royce, not a rental car, right?

Treat your body with love. Give it everything that it needs to be healthy and to be strong and to be vital has always been my attitude. So not having an appetite for the last four months has been really hard on me cause I’m losing quite a bit of weight and it’s frustrating. And a lot of that has to do with nausea and vomiting, which I’ll have to tell you, I had a phobia my entire life. Literally since as long as I can remember. And that phobia was of vomiting. It used to put me into a frenzy of anxiety. It would give me a panic attack if I saw someone that was doing it, if I heard that somebody had done it, if I thought about it happening, or if I saw it in a TV show or in a movie. Like it literally would bring me to a panic attack.

So going into this whole process was super scary for me because I knew that that was kind of going to be a reality in my life. Nausea and vomiting is something that when you go through chemotherapy and all the kinds of treatments that I’m going through, it’s just kind of a given.

So one of the things I’m so proud of is that I have been able to overcome that phobia. I’ve had to, I had no choice. What did they say? Being strong when strong is, is all you have to be.

So anyway, I’ve had a few tough days. but we all know that this is a long process and I’m so deeply grateful to be home with my horses and my dogs, and my cat and my incredible wife, with my mom right down the street who comes and walks with me every day. It’s been an absolute, total blessing and miracle to be home at this time.

So what happened yesterday?

I want to share this with you because I think it’s so important that we all — and I ask all of you, you know, especially now in these really tough times, it’s so much easier to hold on to our biggest fears and our anxieties and to sit there. And I talked about this the other day, but it also really hurts us and it makes things harder and it makes the whole situation worse. So we know better than to sit in those emotions of fear and anxiety, and to get out of that space by focusing on something we can be grateful for, doing something that makes us happy, doing something for another, loving another, thinking about another. So I’ve been focusing on all of these things as well. And I really have had a tough week this week, but yesterday I had a bunch of tests done and it was great news all around. I had a great blood test results even if I was feeling crappy. I had, my viral panel was completely negative. I have no viruses. They tested me for COVID. I don’t have COVID. So it was an amazing day of incredible results. Right? Like just incredible results, which I was so grateful for and so happy.

But I also have this lingering, this greatest challenge that’s going on with me, and that is this whole appetite and trying to eat — forced myself to eat basically, which for me, I’m one of the biggest food lovers in the world. I love my food. It’s like my favorite thing. So for me to not have an appetite and to not want to eat and to have to kind of force myself has been one of the biggest challenges of my life, really. I know that sounds kind of silly, but it has been.

I had all this great news, this amazing news, and it was a really snowy day. We got a foot and a half of snow. And I noticed that I wasn’t fully feeling the joy and the gratitude of the great news that I got that was such a relief. To get great news like that is something that lifts your spirits and changes your whole day. Right?

But I realized that I was still holding on to this challenge of really stressing about my appetite and food. And wanting to put weight on so that I can be strong and healing. So I woke up this morning and I decided I’m going to have a great day today because I know everything’s moving in the right direction.

My body knows exactly what it needs to do to restore itself to perfect health. It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining. I’ve got my wife beside me. I’ve got my health to the extent that I do, and I thought, my whole life, I’ve kind of, I’ve achieved a lot, which I’m very grateful for. But I’ve achieved a lot by pushing myself, pushing myself, forcing myself, doing whatever it takes to get it done and making sure I do it right and leaving no stone unturned. And that has served me so well.

But in this situation right now, I feel like I need more flow. I feel like I need to surrender a bit more. I need to, except a bit more where I’m at and the fact that I’m gonna take two steps forward and a step back, and I’m going to have good days and bad days. I’m going to have challenges that really pushed me to my highest potential. These challenges that when I overcome them are only going to give me more to share with the world, more to talk about, more to share with others that can make a big difference in the world.

So. I decided that what I wanted to talk about today, and I want you to think about in your life, the things that you have achieved to this point. Has it been through force or through flow? And by flow I mean just enjoying it and being present and being grateful and being at peace. And most of the time I live my life that way. But this has been the biggest challenge in my life, and there’s been a lot of other challenges added to it that makes it a lot harder to discipline ourselves, to live in that beautiful state.

But ask yourself the things that you’ve accomplished to this point have been done by force or with flow. And imagine how much better it would feel to be more in a flow state. You can recognize and be the observer of those thoughts that get in the way of you being happy and get in the way of you being at your best. Observed them.

Like I said last week, love yourself through them. But just let them pass by and then come back to the present moment and think about what can I do for another right now? How can I show love to the person next to me? What can I be grateful for? What things can I be proud of about myself right now? What things make me happy? Even if it’s something super simple.

I believe, especially during a time like this, we need to remove that force, that pressure that pressure to have to perform or to have to do something perfectly or it has to be this or to has to be that. Instead, just be. Just be you. Live from your heart. Give from your heart. Believe in you. Love yourself because loving yourself is everything. You must love yourself first before you can love others the way you dream of loving them. Let’s get after our lives, and I’d love you to think about this throughout the week. Going through life and handling every situation that comes your way with more flow rather than force. And catch yourself if you are in that force mode, catch yourself. Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge it. Love yourself through it and say, ‘you know what? I’m going to flow through this. I’m going to enjoy this more. Life is short. Every moment counts. And I want to make the most out of every single moment, and I’m going to make this an amazing moment and an amazing day.’

So I was able to turn my day around today. It was a great day. I know this is a Bed Head Chronicles, but I’m actually doing this in the afternoon. And I know I’m going to start feeling a lot better every day. This is just a part of my journey. And I know that the difficulties and the challenges and everything that I’ve been through, through this whole experience, is only going to give me that much more to share with all of you.

So hopefull
y be able to help you along any single road that you’re on in your life. Because my ultimate goal is to love and to give and to touch as many lives as I can. In the most beautiful and powerful ways, and I intend to do that and I intend to share this experience and have that be something that truly can be a gift to so many of you.

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